R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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