My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The struggles of a small town man whore
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
