We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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