Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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