They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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