Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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