OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
