so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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