My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
