I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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