It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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