I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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