WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
