I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
