Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
