it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
