I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
