You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
