I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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