Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
