I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
