i just google imaged poop.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
