Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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