Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
