he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
