Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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