i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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