I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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