I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
