I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
