he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
