you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
