Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
