Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
