I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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