You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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