Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
