I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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