i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
