is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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