so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
