I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
