I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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