Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
