drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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