Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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