I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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