I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
