ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
