we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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