Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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