Rock
Scissors
Fuck
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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