What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
