i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Randomize
