So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I have fence marks all over my body
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
