Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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