She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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