I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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