Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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