The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
